You know you are obessed when
by LillyFair
Summary: Raoul, Christine, Erik and Nadir find a paper in the opera house about all the crazy things phans do, say or know.


_After the heavy chapter I just added…I needed some comic relief. I saw a list done like this about Sailor Moon, and I thought it would be fun to do a phantom one. _

"Erik! Are you home!"

Erik rushed out of his house as soon as he heard the loud cry. He was slightly disappointed when he found that it was only Nadir. He had hoped that it might have been Christine.

"I told you not to come down here, you could possibly lead _them_ here," said Erik as he looked around nervously.

"Erik, it doesn't matter, _they_ will find you weather you want them to or not." The Persian rushed up to him trying to catch his breath.

"I found this in the Opera House on my last visit, and I thought that I would give it to you. One of _them_ might have dropped it. I thought that you could have a look at it, since you know all about obsessions."

"Just because I happen to have a few life portraits of her," said Erik, "everyone seems thinks I seem to have an obsession." Nadir just looked at him.

"Okay just give me the paper."

"Hello Nadir, Hello Erik!" said a soft gentle voice from a boat.

"Christine!" replied a shocked Erik, "and Raoul…how…nice."

"Yep, he sort of follows me wherever I go, and I wanted to see you since I haven't heard from you in a while."

He gently helped her out of the boat to shore and "accidentally" pushed Raoul into the lake.

"Raoul, you must be more careful!" said Christine nonchalantly. "What are you guys doing?"

"I brought Erik something that _they_ left behind." Said Nadir showing the paper to Christine.

"Ah yes….I had dinner with some of _them_ last evening, it was quite fun."

Erik and Nadir just looked at her with surprise.

"You actually talk to them?" they asked.

"Only to the ones who don't want me dead, sometimes I do have to step in to save Raoul though, they just don't seem to like him very much."

"I can sympathize," said Erik under his breath.

"What was that?" asked Christine.

"I said what a shame " replied Erik innocently.

"I bet," Scowled Raoul who was ringing out his shirt from the murkey water.

"Raoul...Erik…please play nice." Christine pleaded with her blue eyes shining bright…both men just crumbled at the sound of her voice.

"Okay," they said feebly.

"Come," said Erik "Lets go into my living room."

They all moved into the living room, and Erik pulled out a few extra chairs.

"So what's on the paper Nadir?" asked Raoul

**You know you are obsessed with POTO when: **

"Photo?" asked Raoul.

"Phantom of the Opera," said Christine.

"Oh…this ought to be interesting" he said.

"Shh! I want to hear this" she replied.

**Musical Obsession**

"Oh the musical…I thought it was quite good," said Nadir.

"But you weren't in it!" remarked Erik.

"Just because Andrew Lloyd Webber chose to not put me in it and give my job to Mme Giry, does not mean that I cannot enjoy it. Thank you very much." Nadir just looked away slightly annoyed.

"Sorry!" said Erik and he took the list and starting reading it.

**1. The moment it starts snowing, you throw on your cloak, (the one you have hidden in the depts. of your closet), run outside and sing with your arms outstretched _"try to forgive, teach me to live, give me the strength to try."—_and you look around to see if you can see the phantom ready to play his violin intro.**

"No one could sing it like my Christine," said Erik.

"Ah how sweet," she replied as she leaned over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. Erik blushed slightly but enjoyed the brief contact.

"Oh please " scowled Raoul. "Keep reading Erik."

**2. You had to buy another copy of the original Broadway cast recording because your first copy looks like it has gone through a war and won't play any more, and of course because they digitally re-mastered it.**

**3. You try hard to copy the hairstyles of Christine (or Sarah Brightman), Raoul, Erik (or Michael Crawford).**

**4. It bothers you when people refer to the character as _the phantom_ because they don't know that his real name is Erik with a K.**

"Thank you, finally I have my name…Go Phans," screamed Erik.

"Hey at least you're in the Musical" mumbled Nadir.

**5. You know how to perform all the music from phantom of the opera, on several different instruments, but you still can't master a simple scale on anything.**

**6. You go to see Phantom of the Opera onstage and you know the musical score better than the actors do.**

**Movie Obsession**

"Wasn't the movie fantastic," exclaimed Raoul

"You only liked it because you got to ride in on a white horse, " Remarked Erik

"Boys...be nice..let me read it, " said Christine as she took the paper.

**1. You had to go see the movie with your brother, mother, sister's friend, and your uncle all at different times, just to have an excuse to see it again.**

All of them looked around the room, because they all went with each other at least twice. Christine went almost everyday because she loved how sexy Erik looked.

**2. During "Think of Me" you at least thought Sarah is so much better, but Emmy still did a great job.**

"She was okay," remarked Christine. She was kind of jealous of all the attention both Sarah and Emmy were getting.

Erik whispered to her in his soft silky voice so only she could hear "You are ten times greater my love,"

"Thanks… I needed to hear that " she said as she threw her arms around his neck and pressed her body to his.

"Hey what about me" asked Raoul.

"I'm with you everyday Raoul, be quiet."

**3. You know that everyone was cast way too young for their roles, but you really don't care because it's Phantom.**

The all murmured that it didn't bother them, except Nadir who said "I WASN'T IN THE MOVIE EITHER."

**4. You were heartbroken when Christine was caressing the Phantoms face after music of the night, because you knew what was going to happen before the movie even showed it.**

"Oh that was so harsh," remarked Erik, "she was so cruel"

"Sorry!" Christine said sadly and to make up for it, she gently kissed his lips before she continued reading.

**5. At the end of where Act One would be you yelled "What!" when the chandelier didn't crash where it was supposed to.**

**6. You actually cheered out loud when you saw Raoul get hit by Erik's sword, but you also shouted ERIK WOULD NEVER LOOSE TO RAOUL when he fell to the ground.**

"Yes! The phans have spoken. I would never have lost to HIM." Triumphed Erik.

"Care to make a little wager about that Erik! I'm sure you will find I'm quite able with a sword…and pistol," Raoul said as he pulled out his saber. Erik pulled on the lasso and got ready for battle.

"Children," cried Christine.

"Sorry dear!" they replied as theyreturned in their spots just giving each other nasty glares.

**7. You muttered…kill him…just kill him, when Raoul's head was in the noose.**

"No comments Erik!" warned Nadir.

"Fine! Be that way!" Erik said as he crossed his arms, slightly annoyed.

**8. At the movie, the first scene of the Opera House you told the person next to you (whether you knew them or not) at the movie "that's not the actual Opera House in Paris; I know because I've been there.**

"Why did he do that," asked Erik, "the opera house I designed was much better."

"Beats me…maybe because they set it on fire at the end. The real one never burned," said Christine.

They all just shook their heads in confusion.

**Book Obsession (The Purists)**

**1. You thought the movie and the musical were excellent, but were completely upset that they didn't even mention Mama Valérius, Comte Philippe, The Persian, Sorelli, and the fact that Mme Giry was a box keeper not the ballet mistress.**

"Yes! They remembered me. I brought the fop down to the torture chamber. I was a major character. They remembered me. Thank you blessed fans…Thank you."

"O-k-a-y" remarked Raoul "I think you need counseling."

"Oh please," argued Nadir "You were made smarter, sexier, and taller in the movie/musical, I wasn't even mentioned."

"WE KNOW!" shouted Christine. "GET OVER IT"

**2. You know that Christine is blonde haired and blue eyed, and it bothers you that hardly anyone ever gets it right.**

"Thank you. I'm Scandinavian, not a brunette. Do you hear me people…not a brunette."

"Humph!" scowled Nadir "and I'm the one who needs counseling."

**3. When Raoul from the movie fell down into the pit after Masquerade, you laughed manically because you knew he fell into the infamous torture chamber of mirrors, only book people know that.**

"My work is well recognized," said Erik.

"Whatever," muttered Raoul

**4. You are slightly offended because Andrew Lloyd Webber made Raoul more debonair and dashing, than the weeping fop he was in the book (Raoul fans I mean no offence.)**

**5. You know who Susan Kay is, and even own a treasured copy of the out of print book.**

**6. You laughed out loud when Ayesha bit Raoul.**

"Why does everyone like to torture me?" said Raoul.

"It's fun!" shouted all three.

"Hey!" shouted Raoul, mostly at Christine."

"Sorry. Keep reading Erik."

**Weird things that don't really fall into above categories.**

"Oh this ought to be interesting!" said Raoul

**1. Your significant other really starts to wonder if he/she would loose you to a character from POTO if they really existed. **

"What do you mean…IF we exist? OF course we exist or in this case existed," said Christine.

**2. Your computer, cell phone, answering machine, pager and/or fax machine plays some kind of song from the movie/musical.**

**3. Everybody you ever met calls you and asks you "Have you seen the movie yet?"**

**4. Your dog, cat, fish, hamster, or first born, has a name of one of the characters.**

**5. You write fanfiction.**

**6. You feel like your best friends in the world, are the ones that review your stories and you beam with pride when you see review alerts in your inbox.**

**7. You have ever had a POTO dream, which changed the ending.**

"I know I have," said Erik and Christine.

"Hey! Why did you marry me then," said Raoul.

"Because Leroux told me too," shrugged Christine as she kept reading.

**8. Your parents are starting to really question your sanity because all they hear through your closed door is the music…and they think you are acting out the musical in your room. (Come on you know you are).**

"Now that is really fun," said Nadir. The three of them just looked at him extremely strangely, and started to move away from him.

"Hey I'm living vicariously through the work of someone else. Leave me alone."

**9. You secretly know that you were adopted at birth and you are really a descendant of Raoul and Christine, and you have to go back to the Opera House to set things right.**

"I hate when they do that," exclaimed Erik. "If I find one more stupid young girl smudging up my mirrors I'm really going to hurt them.

"You won't really have to hurt them Erik," said Christine, "as soon as they know it is you they will get all excited and pass out. You've seen them, some of them are quite scary."

**10. You know that the next time you go to the Opera House, they will have found that portrait that Erik painted of Christine, and you will look exactly like her. You will run downstairs to the strange room of only mirrors on the last level, and look for another entrance to his labyrinth to find your other forgotten things.**

"Do you know how many girls I have found using Leroux's book as a map to get down here?" Said Nadir.

"At least they have heard of you." Said Raoul.

"Yes, but when I tell them I won't take them to him, they yell at me and say "Sure but you took that stupid fop down". I actually do something to help and all I do is get criticized for it."

"I really feel for you there Nadir." commented Erik sarcastically.

**11. You know you are the reincarnation of one of the characters and will not rest until you have found your counterpart weather it be Raoul, Christine, or the poor unfortunate Erik.**

**12. When you enter the Paris opera house, all the workers shout…"Oh no not again!" in English and in French. They have been warned about you.**

"It's so funny to watch them run from security. It's almost as fun as torturing our managers." Erik laughed.

"They are really scary people!" said Nadir.

"Yep but they make us who we are" said Christine.

"Sad…but true…" said Erik, "Hey does anyone want some tea!"

_I'll leave it here for now; if you have anything else you would like me to add let me know. This is my first attempt at comedy, so please let me know how I did. Thanks everyone._


End file.
